3 A.M.

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They say 3 a.m. is the hour of artists when great master pieces and ideas are cultivated and brought to life. Well . . . Here I am.

The true reason I am awake is due to my two-year-old niece deciding to wake up in tears, but of course she is now back to sleep and I am sitting in bed contemplating the meaning life and my purpose in the vast universe.

My entire middle school, high school, and college careers, I was told I am an excellent writer. I always got A’s in classes having to do with writing, English, composition, media, etc. But then I got into the “real world:” the job market. I quickly learned I am not very good at anything. I was good enough to get hired for the temporary jobs or the freelance, project-based positions, but I was never good enough to keep around for the full- time work. I was never valuable enough for someone to take the time to properly train me on a company’s specific style, voice, or needs.

And this has left me here, at 3 a.m., awake. I am sitting in bed feeling worthless because the path I thought I was taking in life fell apart. My talents and passions turned out to not be enough for the “real world.” And honestly, it is heart breaking. The struggle of realizing life sucks and won’t ever go your way no matter how hard you plan and prepare is real. However, I have decided I may be capable of turning this struggle into something more. The thought came to me at 3 a.m. as I am crying about how awful life is, perhaps I can use this. Perhaps, my experience of graduating college, having open-heart surgery, recovering from surgery for six months, losing my dad, and still not being able to find a job which truly fuels my passion of writing can help others. . .

At first I thought of writing a book, but then I thought I could simply create a new website with an entirely different brand and focus and keep this one as my continued spaced to write whatever is on my mind. I could also go the podcast route. However, this process will take much more thought. Thought, which must occur on a well-rested mind and not at 3 a.m. while I am crying about my failures and short-comings. But please stay-tuned because this journey will be continued and I would love your advice and thoughts as well.

🙂

2 comments

  1. First, can I just say how damn brave you are to be so open and raw about your feeling and emotions! Second, why not do it all? The podcast, the book and even here? Who says you have to pick one thing it’s your life and the truth is you have greatness in you! I’m not even gonna go to the automatic stuff like look at what you have already overcome I’m gonna come straight at it no chaser homie! The reason you haven’t found the right job is that maybe the path you are going is a game-changer. I mean think about it, no one can do you like you do you and your contribution to this earth’s surface is unique! It’s the reason that no one but you can do what you will do with your life! We all have greatness in our DNA and I believe that what you have is not appreciated by others because we never truly understand greatness until the person steps into it and we all go, “damn she’s amazing I had no idea.” You got this and I believe in you just do it all! Maybe not all 3 a.m. but do it all on your time because we need your piece of greatness homie, real talk! Have a great day!

    1. Thank You! You’re words means a lot and made me smile. I plan to continue to write here, and begin the process of a book. I always try to have a positive outlook on the future and this is something I am willing to work hard for. 🙂

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